Adoptee reaction: feeling abandoned

So this thing just happened where I arrived at an appointment to see a new therapist (my current therapist will be away for a few months) and she’s double-booked her time. Being the new client, she didn’t know it was me waiting outside, walked past me and took her existing client inside. She must have realised as she came outside to see who I was. After apologising profusely and rescheduling, I left.

My initial reaction was disappointment and annoyance at the inconvenience. But, pausing to regroup and reflect, I notice feelings of abandonment, rejection, being dispensable, not worthy of being seen, coming through … common themes for adoptees tied to our relinquishment as babies, even if there was no other choice for our birth parents.

I consider cancelling my appointment (and consider continuing to feel irritated) but realise this is also a protective reaction to avoid feeling these things again. The ‘push away first’ behaviour is a pattern I’ve worked through and find myself helping my clients also work through.

And so I slow my breathing, pause, acknowledge where these feelings are coming from, knowing I am not being abandoned but mistakes happen, and that I am worthy of being seen. I find gratitude for getting some time back today, especially creating space to feel, to write and share this little big moment that is often experienced by adoptees in different ways.

I’ll keep my appointment. And bring this experience to therapy next week when I do have my session.

I want to also highlight that these feelings are within even though I’ve always felt so loved and wanted by incredible adoptive parents - the only people I consider my parents - and a family so full of love. Unfortunately, as I’ve come to explore and accept, this doesn’t completely dissolve the very first experience of relinquishment adoptees go through.

If you’re an adoptee seeking support, reach out to enquire about a session with me.