Dating when you want to stay single

Being single on purpose doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a robust dating life. But it does mean you need boundaries, to be very clear about what you want, radical honesty, clear communication, and the courage to do what’s right even if it’s not what feels good. Ok, so these are things you need in every relationship, but they take on a slightly nuanced meaning when you’re dating for the fun of getting to experience new minds and bodies with the intention of not going beyond something ‘casual’. 

Firstly, know what you truly want. Are you keeping it fun and casual because that’s what you actually deep down want? Or are you doing it to avoid being vulnerable in something more serious? Don’t talk yourself into casual hook-ups if you really do want more. Direct your energy towards what you want. 

If you do want to enjoy non-exclusive relationships (yes, they are still relationships … people in relation to one another) be up front and open about this when you first meet someone you’re interested in. They need to know where you’re at and what you have capacity for so they can decide if they’re happy to play in those boundaries. 

Play fair and have boundaries. This is something you both need to talk about to keep things fun and safe and uncomplicated. This could include things like how often you might see each other, whether you do sleepovers, practicing safe sex, agreeing to communicate if feelings or the situation changes. It might feel uncomfortable to talk about early in the piece but you’re an adult…so be an adult.

There will be times when doing what feels good isn’t necessarily the right thing to do in this scenario. I love sleepovers and everything that goes with them but regular sleepovers can confuse things and feel more serious for what this situation is. Seeing someone every week can also have a similar impact on the casual intent of the relationship. Find out what works for you and set those boundaries with yourself, then have the courage to stay firm with them.

When it’s time for the fun to come to an end have an honest conversation about it. It doesn’t need to be long and detailed but it’s the kind and the adult thing to do to end it peacefully. Thank them for the time you’ve spent together but you can no longer see them because (your reason). Just because it’s casual doesn’t mean it’s not worthy of closure.

And most importantly, check in with yourself along the way - how are you feeling, what does it feel like, why, what’s changed? Ground into your sense of self so you are always connected with your heart and making healthy choices that give to your soul, not deplete your energy.

If you’re seeking dating guidance (with male and female insight), get in touch for a session with me.

Image thanks to Kate Hliznitsova on Unsplash