How to handle a ‘bad date’
If you got through the first meet and into the first date but it takes a turn and you're not into it, it's time to take a deep breath of courage and grace and let the other person know you're not interested, then leave. There's no point spending more time than you have to in the land of 'get me the F* out of here'. The kindest thing to do for yourself and the other is to be up front and end your time together.
Radical honesty with gentle kindness goes a long way, not just for them but for you too. Trust me, you'll feel a whole lot better about yourself if you handle the situation with sophistication.
Here are some tips:
Tell them as soon as you can gather the courage to have the hard conversation. The sooner the better.
Thank them for their time and let them know you're not interested in pursuing anything further.
If they ask why, be honest but kind, and keep it with you so it's not about them - because it's not about them and it is about your decision. I usually say something like, "I'm not feeling the chemistry I'm looking for", which is almost always the reason why I would want to end a date early or not see the person again.
Avoid trying to ‘soften the blow’ by saying things you don’t mean, such as “maybe we can be friends” (vomit – you don’t need more friends!), or “yes, see you again soon” (because you don’t want to and you won’t, and that’s a lie), or “I had a great time” when you didn’t because you both know you didn’t.
Stay with your truth as much as possible and know you don’t need to concoct some story about having to be somewhere urgently for an emergency. Rather, have the class to thank them for their time and excuse yourself from the situation without fuss or lies.
Remember it's dating - it's the process of auditioning potential people you want to share time and space with so take your time and stay connected with yourself and what you want. There are no obligations during the dating process, and remember you're allowed to change your mind. Part of this process is also having some uncomfortable conversations and if you can't have them now, don't wait until you're years into the relationship hating yourself for not speaking up earlier.
There's no reason to have a 'bad date', even if you're not into them or something goes left field. You can still enjoy time together learning about a new person while doing something you enjoy knowing it will be contained to that date and that you never have to see them again. Or you excuse and remove yourself gracefully from the situation.
Every date is valuable if you can also make space to practice gentle self-reflection: what did you learn about yourself? How can you use the experience to refine your dating approach or mindset? Or can you simply appreciate yourself for leaning into the adventures of dating and let the 'bad dates' fade into your dating history?
Whatever you choose, and whatever happens, keep perspective and practice being gentle and kind with yourself.
