How to foster human connection during a pandemic

In my recent article for The Latch I explore the impact of the pandemic on human connection that has been impacted in ways we could not have imagined. We’re stuck in a loop of physical distancing, isolation, limited options for in-person social interaction, and more screen time as we attempt to maintain a sense of connection.

Humans, by nature, need connection – with self, with others and community, with environment, with a greater sense of purpose. Social contact is crucial for well-being whether you need a little or a lot, so we’ve had to get creative with how to stay connected during lockdowns and restrictions.

As we move into the third year of COVID life we continue to manage our energy levels and technology/screen fatigue as we navigate what we feel is safe in-person contact versus what we’re physiologically and biologically craving.

Every time we have to recalibrate to new rules and restrictions it takes emotional, mental and physical energy to adapt. Just when we’ve started to manage our anxiety about isolation and created an iso routine restrictions change. Suddenly we can venture out further than our own homes, which creates a new anxiety around safety, being around people, experiencing familiar places as new. And then we go back to lockdown and so the cycle continues.

In restricted conditions of isolation we adapt to the energy of our environment – our homes, whether or not we live with others, activity. Our nervous systems get used to the cadence of iso life that is quite contained and predictable with limited variety.

When we’re allowed out for IRL interactions, there is a lot more for the nervous system to assess and adapt to – external environment, noises, colours, sounds, smells, other people, the collective energy. It takes time to find a sense of grounding in what seems like chaos when compared with isolation and the limited stimulus we’ve spent months getting used to.

Know that your nervous system will be taking in a lot more information and it could feel overstimulating at times as we recalibrate. When our nervous systems are on high alert it can feel stressful as our bodies perceive all the signals as a possible threat, throwing us into fight/flight/freeze, or elevating anxiety levels.

We can feel very anxious with a hyper-aroused nervous system, or crash into hypo-arousal and withdraw. We want to be aware of what’s happening with our nervous system so we can take time to rebalance when we need to and remain in the moment to enjoy what we’re doing.

Here are some things you can do to help foster connection through the pandemic:

Practising empathy allows us to hold space for others and their experience, which may be different or the same from ours. It fosters connection through compassion and creating space for non-judgemental, supportive interactions.

Keeping perspective of what we do have and can do, and finding joy in the small moments, will help us remember that there are things to smile about. It’s not about being happy all the time, but allowing yourself to feel positive through the heaviness of the pandemic. It’s ok to not be ok. But it’s also ok to be ok. It’s about being gentle with yourself and finding or creating sources of joy and things you feel positive about to balance the doom and gloom of living through a pandemic.

Being intentional with our actions is so powerful in building sense of agency and feeling in control of the things you can control, which in turn helps build sense of self. It’s also an invitation and commitment to self, rather than feeling as though you need to trick yourself into ‘doing better’, which can have a negative impact on self-esteem in thinking you’re not good enough.

Know what you need to feel well and balanced when it comes to human connection. Be aware of the role human connection has for you and your motivations so you can be intentional with how and when you connect, and with whom. Do you want to connect with someone because there is mutually supportive relationship? Or are you reaching out to avoid your feelings and as a distraction?

Boundaries are crucial for keeping you and other safe in human connection so learn what you need and how to express your needs.

Be present in your connections. Be aware of how you’re feeling and the energy you’re bringing to the interaction and how it may impact the other.

Connecting at a felt sense where you feel your feelings in your body and not just as a ‘heady’ cerebral interaction can help foster deep connections and help keep boundaries in place. It’s about being honest with yourself and open in your communication. Be aware of how your energy impacts the relationship and how you might be feeling and taking in other people’s energy. Or if you’re feeling something is a little ‘off’, listen to your body’s cue and step away to give yourself space to process what might be happening and why.

Be gentle with yourself and meet your needs. Know when you need solitude or connection. Know that you’re allowed to change your mind about a social engagement if you don’t have the energy for it. It’s about keeping yourself - and others - safe by giving yourself what you need.

Take care of you.

Photo by Anderson Rian on Unsplash