The Freedom of Unstuckness
Freedom is such a large, ginormous thing that can hold different meanings and feelings for each of us. For me, right now, it is an internal state - feeling deeply that I have the ability to choose how I feel, think and act in the present moment. I no longer feel as beholden to the confines of external expectations, rules, judgements as I have been in the past.
I’ve done a lot of work to get to this place. I’ve had to go deep into exploring my triggers, associations, attachments and patterns. Coming face to face with the dark, being able to sit in it comfortably and peacefully has come about with great lessons of acceptance and gentle loving compassion for myself and others.
Taking responsibility for my role in relationships as an active choice, as difficult as that may have been at times for many reasons, was the start of being able to unhook myself from the expectations that kept me attached to things that were no longer helpful for either party. Simultaneously, I was giving myself permission to let go of responsibility I had taken on that wasn’t my own to take in the first place. It seems this is one of the most uncomfortable things a carer/‘giver’ can do, but one that is so important for the greater good of everyone involved.
To be free from the triggers that keep us bound to unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour is hard. It starts with first being able to recognise these exist, then to identify them for oneself, and then accept they are there. This is a huge piece of work that can be painful and even bring about grief at losing these things, even if we don’t want to keep them. There is still a loss that is felt for things that perhaps once kept us safe - that were adaptive - that have, over time, become maladaptive.
Stuckness is a wild, often deeply depressing state of helplessness and hopelessness. The work that needs to be done to become unstuck is a continual work in progress that doesn’t seem to have an ending. First to get unstuck, and then to constantly adjust your sense of self to maintain a fluid state of remaining unstuck. In maintaining a state of ‘unstuckness’ that is almost autonomic and not a conscious effort is when and where I feel most free.
When do you feel most stuck? How do you get unstuck?
Here are a few articles about the stuck/unstuck process you might find helpful. Or drop me a DM if you want to chat.
Take care of you.
