Captivated by not having the answers
Life has shifted me into a massively transformational time over the past six months. And I love being in this growth phase. I’m a month away from being a qualified Counsellor, six weeks away from becoming a certified meditation teacher and one week away from starting my Certificate IV in Celebrancy. Movement in my personal life has also presented a beautiful opportunity to live in different places, taking care of friends’ homes, doggos and plant babies. I am on a thrilling adventure of getting to know myself in this stage of my life.
As I reflect on all that has happened, I wonder if I would have made time to meet myself where I am now had I not had the courage to jump into the unknown. I doubt I would have. And whilst I probably would have been fine I also feel I may have missed out on so many great things that have come up in the last few months.
There is a key theme in the undercurrent of my musings: “Who am I without all the external stuff – without the job, the gym, the things in my comfort zone, the people in my life, the activities I keep myself busy with – who am I without all of that?”
The words that come after “I am” are so powerful in our life’s narrative. They can bring about so much more than could ever be anticipated, sometimes as you say them, and sometimes they can jump out and say “boo” later in life. It could be wonderful and delicious, or a rude shock. Hopefully you’ll get both because it means you continue to grow and develop the story of your life.
My Counselling training has facilitated huge personal growth of understanding why I am the way I am. Critical self-reflection is an ongoing process that continues to show me where my biases and blind spots are, nurturing my naturally curious mind and fostering a thoughtful approach to being, feeling, thinking and doing.
Life is an exciting adventure, if you want it.
Who are you in the story of your life? Who is your character now, and how have you evolved? As a witness to your own life, what are the feelings that come up? And where in your body, and how do you feel them?
When I think back to my youthful behaviour of wanting to have all the answers, I am now captivated by not having all the answers. My approach is with the lens of “how can I discover different perspectives and experience the world in different ways?”
This yummy growth wave has seen me lean into the parts of myself where fear and darkness reside. I’m doing things I’ve always wanted to do and it feels like the kind of freedom that leads to peaceful inner being.
What have you always wanted to do? Why haven’t you done it? Is it the ‘shoulds’, or patterns of expectation and judgment of yourself, or from others?
I love the current millennial wisdom of “You do you”. But if you go below the surface of this pop meme, there lies a deep and potentially overwhelming pool of existential questioning around identity and purpose. If you get there, and if you can, breathe into the discomfort and sit with what comes up for as long as possible. For there lies incredible growth.
It is this space that provides me with the ideal environment for my intuitive wisdom to thrive. I feel more connected with myself, people and the world around me than ever before. And it’s sensational.
Do something that makes you feel like you today.
